Mama

On By Kim NolywaikaIn Motherhood

“If you have ever gazed upon your child’s lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced . . . Demolished.”

I Remember Mama

In the 1948 movie “I Remember Mama,” there is a sequence where the youngest child needs an operation.  The mother promises the child to be there at the hospital when the little girl wakes up.  Later, after the successful operation is concluded, the mother discovers there is a rule forbidding visitors in the first twenty four hours after surgery.

But Mother has promised to come; the child is calling for her in the night,

“Mama.  Mama.”

It is just heartbreaking to watch this mother as she tries desperately to get to her child without being caught by the nurses.  Finally she poses as a cleaning woman and, on her knees, scrubs her way to the ward where she finds her child calling for her.  She comforts the child and slips away, promise kept.

If you have ever been separated from your child when they needed you.  If you have ever heard them cry out in pain and you were powerless to relieve it.  If you have ever gazed upon your child’s lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced.  No, not pierced…

Demolished. 

The instinct to protect is so very strong.  This instinct does not go away when your child grows up, or moves away, or dies.  When your child is abruptly torn from you, the sense of powerlessness, the utter inability to affect a rescue, is an ocean falling on top of you.  It is a physical Engulfment and nothing less than holding that child and making it all better will assuage it.  It is an agony when it cannot be satisfied.

I count it an honor and a great blessing to be a Mommy, though Death of a Child is the one part of motherhood I never truly thought I would experience, would rather not experience.

But, I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not. 

Matthew 2:18
Preview or purchase 'Never Ceasing: God's Faithfulness in Grief' by Kim Nolywaika https://youcantrusthim.com/my-book/

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From a Secret Place

18 thoughts on “Mama”

  1. Pingback: Revised Post: Compelled – You Can Trust Him

  2. Pingback: Revised Post: Mama | You Can Trust Him

  3. marijo1245

    Your grieving heart produces such fruit as you minister to others through your pain. There is such beauty nestled within this tragedy. When you allow God to lead and you trust fully in Him as you do, the pain is never in vain. Thank you for showcasing His heart through your darkest valley. To God be the glory!

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  4. Johna Pillars

    My son was murder in August of 2014 at age of 20 years old . It was susposelly friend that shot my son in the back thru the heart he can’t give a reason why. My daughter in law called me to tell me to get to my son’s home when we got there they already had it roped off with crime tape I had to stand across from his home knowing my baby lying on that cold floor and I stood kept walk out that door bubba please just get up off that floor tell me it all a bad dream and give me one of your bear hugs and tell me Mama I’m here and it’s okay. It wasn’t my baby got ripped out of my life and my life forever changed and that boy gets a measly 8 years for taking a life and give a reason why and my son brought him to his home to help him. A mama wants to know why her child had to die and to know that they didn’t suffer . I lost it when they finally told me how he died my son never met a stranger always smiled would give his shirt off of his own back had the biggest heart and he was shot thru the heart point blank.

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    1. Your boy sounds like a very kind and helpful young man. As you know very well, there are no words to take away the pain and horror you have experienced. Please know that I hurt with you and I pray our Father in Heaven will soothe your spirit and comfort you as only He can. And remember, God sees all – no one gets away with anything. There will be justice for what happened to your son. Thank you for sharing your story with us. God bless you and keep you close, dear mother.

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  5. StacyJ

    All so true. My youngest son, still grieving for his big brother, lost his job today. I became literally sick to my stomach when he told me how things went down and laid in his bed rejected and hurting. I hate not being able to fix his pain. Please pray this will be a blessing in disguise for him and a better job comes his way.

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    1. Disappointment on top of pain. I am sorry your boy is hurting and you, too dear mother. Praying tonight that the Lord will comfort and strengthen your whole family, and that He would show your son His love in a special, just-for-him kind of way.

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  7. Jana

    I had a sweet sweet dream of holding my jeremiah this past weekend. ..so real feeling I woke up smiling. But soon realized, my reality is that I don’t get to. I guess I’ll never truly get over that…but I’m so glad God is holding me justas close.

    Jana

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  8. Kim,
    That movie is a family favorite. Yes, we would do ANYTHING for our child. I am so very sorry that Hans and Dominic are where we can no longer hold them. It is agony. I wish it weren’t our reality. We rest in knowing that the Father has them safely in His care, but our hearts still yearn for them. It’s what mamas do.

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