The Wind Bloweth

Why does the sound of the wind break my heart? It carries away the long ago laughter Of yesterday's children And flings it beyond my reach It runs without a care Along trails blazed by my mighty hunter Brushing over the fields of your boyhood As if your absence doesn't matter Yesterday's gentle breeze returns …

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Revised Post: Four

Click here to read the entire post. "It’s not just Hans I miss.  It is all of them together as happy children on a Sunday afternoon.  Sometimes I so want to turn back the clock to one of those precious days.  Or to turn it forward to when we will all be together again. But …

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Empty Stalls, Empty Beds

Most of the animals we keep were acquired when our children were young. Our oldest animal, a goat (The Old Lady), died at the ripe old age of eleven just a few months after Hans left us.  She was one of our original breeding stock and was a sensible and reliable animal.  But one day …

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Things Are Not What They Seem

One of the things bereaved parents would like you to know is this:  Even though they may seem pretty together and functional; even though they smile, though perhaps not very brightly and not for very long; and even though it seems like they are moving on with life, there are many, many things going on …

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Looking Forward

It would easy to spend all my time preoccupied with the past. The way it was. Looking at – no examining - old photographs.  Studying, not just the image of our son, but the background, too.  Everyday scenery that has not changed but is so totally different now.  Trying to find the what-ifs casually arranged …

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Blind-sided at Sears

Walking through Sears department store the other day, I passed by the boys' and then the men's department while calmly experiencing all the expected memories: the packages of socks, the work pants, the plaid shirts, the dress shirts. My mind drifted back to the time, years ago, when Hans and his dad spent several hours …

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One Year

Can it be a whole year since we saw our boy's face? If you have a special memory of Hans (no matter how long ago), a funny story, or a photo you would like to share, please leave it in the comments section below, or visit Hans' memorial website here. Every memory posted is a …

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Christmas Prayer

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6 At Christmas time each year, Manfred always takes the children off into the woods …

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Baubles & Trinkets

Our last Christmas tree with Hans was cut in mid-December 2015.  Usually, the spruces stay fresh and last well into January, sometimes sprouting new growth and even shedding pollen in the house.  Manfred ordinarily cuts the tree and the children haul it home on a sled.  But this time last year, Manfred’s knee was giving …

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Terror

Fear.  It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach.  An intense uneasiness.  An acute sense of dread. Like, when you turn around in a store and your toddler has disappeared momentarily into the depths of a clothes rack. Or, when Josef came into the house that October day to tell me …

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Four

It is a Sunday afternoon in summer.  The first summer without Hans.  Manfred and Noah are three hundred miles away on a job in Anchorage.   Olivia, Josef and I are back home after church and have eaten our spaghetti, with ice cream for dessert.   Olivia leaves for work and Josef hops on his bike.   I …

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