"The plug had been pulled. And as the pain drained out the bottom of my soul, a holy hush took its place, filling me from the top and then running over, quenching my hot tears in an instant. This peace was cleaner than contentment and softer than happiness. I was in the arms of my … Continue reading Revised Post: Thoughts on Psalm 55
motherhood
Re-Post: Empty Stalls, Empty Beds
"I do not know what the Lord has planned for us. I rest in the fact that He is God and He knows what He is doing. I began this journey without knowing all the twists and turns it may involve. But my Captain knows all. I do not need to fret or peer over … Continue reading Re-Post: Empty Stalls, Empty Beds
Revised Post: Mama
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Revised Post: Desires of a Mother’s Heart
And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. 1 John 5:14-15 Every prayer I have ever uttered … Continue reading Revised Post: Desires of a Mother’s Heart
Revised Post: Terror
"Fear. It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. An intense uneasiness. An acute sense of dread..." Click here to read the rest... Image source.
Revised Post: Compelled
Original post published October 10, 2016 It is over seven months now since Hans left us for Heaven, yet I still get these illogical, unrealistic, untrue thoughts/longings/compulsions to find him. For instance: It’s such a beautiful breezy day; it’s hot and the birds are singing. I stand in the yard looking around and I think: … Continue reading Revised Post: Compelled
Revised Post: The Facts
"This heavy sorrow is what I feel. It is not a reflection of what I, as a Christian, believe. I know where our son is and I believe what God has told me about our eternal home. Why then do I sorrow? It is because each crashing wave of grief is my flesh crying out … Continue reading Revised Post: The Facts
Revised Post: Four
Click here to read the entire post. "It’s not just Hans I miss. It is all of them together as happy children on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes I so want to turn back the clock to one of those precious days. Or to turn it forward to when we will all be together again. But … Continue reading Revised Post: Four
Memorial Day
Though my Father served in the United States Air Force, I do not come from a particularly military family. Our son, Hans, did not serve in the military, but, as a volunteer firefighter/medic, he was given firefighter's honors at his memorial service. To be honest, I was floored. I did not expect such an honor. … Continue reading Memorial Day
Empty Stalls, Empty Beds
Most of the animals we keep were acquired when our children were young. Our oldest animal, a goat (The Old Lady), died at the ripe old age of eleven just a few months after Hans left us. She was one of our original breeding stock and was a sensible and reliable animal. But one day … Continue reading Empty Stalls, Empty Beds
Mama
"If you have ever gazed upon your child's lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced... Demolished." In the 1948 movie "I Remember Mama," there is a sequence where the youngest child needs … Continue reading Mama
Desires of a Mother’s Heart
And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. 1 John 5:14-15 Every prayer I have ever uttered … Continue reading Desires of a Mother’s Heart
Terror
Fear. It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. An intense uneasiness. An acute sense of dread. Like, when you turn around in a store and your toddler has disappeared momentarily into the depths of a clothes rack. Or, when Josef came into the house that October day to tell me … Continue reading Terror
Four
It is a Sunday afternoon in summer. The first summer without Hans. Manfred and Noah are three hundred miles away on a job in Anchorage. Olivia, Josef and I are back home after church and have eaten our spaghetti, with ice cream for dessert. Olivia leaves for work and Josef hops on his bike. I … Continue reading Four
