"This heavy sorrow is what I feel. It is not a reflection of what I, as a Christian, believe. I know where our son is and I believe what God has told me about our eternal home. Why then do I sorrow? It is because each crashing wave of grief is my flesh crying out … Continue reading Revised Post: The Facts
moving forward
Empty Stalls, Empty Beds
Most of the animals we keep were acquired when our children were young. Our oldest animal, a goat (The Old Lady), died at the ripe old age of eleven just a few months after Hans left us. She was one of our original breeding stock and was a sensible and reliable animal. But one day … Continue reading Empty Stalls, Empty Beds
Looking Forward
It would easy to spend all my time preoccupied with the past. The way it was. Looking at – no examining - old photographs. Studying, not just the image of our son, but the background, too. Everyday scenery that has not changed but is so totally different now. Trying to find the what-ifs casually arranged … Continue reading Looking Forward
Cleaning House
NOTE: The following was written some time ago on a rather difficult day. I needed to get this out of my heart and onto paper. I wasn't going to publish it. But maybe it will help someone. It's pretty raw, but here it is... Why I Do Not Want to Move On. Why I Do … Continue reading Cleaning House
Time. The Enemy?
Death is not the enemy, for it has been conquered by the Lord Jesus Christ. He rose the third day, defeating death forever. Death cannot keep me from Hans. No, death will reunite me with him. And distance is not the real enemy, either. Hans’ body, though inanimate, is here with us at home, buried … Continue reading Time. The Enemy?
The Butterfly
Of the many beautiful flowers that were given for Hans’ memorial service, only one is still alive and thriving in our home - an orchid, with its one big showy cluster of purple flowers at the end of a long vine-like stem. When we brought it home after the service, wrapped in plastic to protect … Continue reading The Butterfly
New Friends
In these past nine months since Hans drove to the highway, I have dreamed of him only once. I had this dream shortly after he left us and it was very brief. In my dream, Sunday worship had just concluded and Hans was standing with a group of men outside on the lawn in front … Continue reading New Friends
The Facts
In the early months of grieving for our son, sorrow, longing and anguish felt like a connection to him. They were a sort of conduit, a frantic grasping for nearness. To remember him was to be with him. All conscious thought was focused on getting to him – right now. To weep was to hold … Continue reading The Facts
Joysorrow
Forward. That is the direction I need to be moving. Forward is where our son is. Forward is where I will see my Savior face to face. Moving forward is not the same as moving on. Moving on is putting the past behind you and trying to forget. Moving on is something I will never … Continue reading Joysorrow
