"This heavy sorrow is what I feel. It is not a reflection of what I, as a Christian, believe. I know where our son is and I believe what God has told me about our eternal home. Why then do I sorrow? It is because each crashing wave of grief is my flesh crying out … Continue reading Revised Post: The Facts
emotions
Revised Post: Four
Click here to read the entire post. "It’s not just Hans I miss. It is all of them together as happy children on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes I so want to turn back the clock to one of those precious days. Or to turn it forward to when we will all be together again. But … Continue reading Revised Post: Four
Grief Brain? Me?
NOTE: I want to thank Melanie De Simone thelifeididntchoose.com for her helpful post: Grief Brain: It’s a Real Thing! I was sitting in the pew waiting for Wednesday evening prayer meeting to start. My middle son, Josef, and I had gotten there early to set up for the video we would be watching. Since the … Continue reading Grief Brain? Me?
Grief Quote #7
Joy and Sorrow United
"So many painful moments, times when just breathing seemed too much, joy would rise up through the tears, not to displace the sorrow but to engulf and sanctify it. This overwhelming collision of emotions would sometimes come hard and fast without warning. Other times I could feel it building slowly and would arrange to find … Continue reading Joy and Sorrow United
Things Are Not What They Seem
One of the things bereaved parents would like you to know is this: Even though they may seem pretty together and functional; even though they smile, though perhaps not very brightly and not for very long; and even though it seems like they are moving on with life, there are many, many things going on … Continue reading Things Are Not What They Seem
Looking Forward
It would easy to spend all my time preoccupied with the past. The way it was. Looking at – no examining - old photographs. Studying, not just the image of our son, but the background, too. Everyday scenery that has not changed but is so totally different now. Trying to find the what-ifs casually arranged … Continue reading Looking Forward
Blind-sided at Sears
Walking through Sear's department store, I passed the boys' and then the men's department and calmly experienced all the expected memories: the packages of socks, the work pants, the plaid shirts, the dress shirts. I continued on through the tool department where we bought so many Christmas presents for the men in our family: the … Continue reading Blind-sided at Sears
Mama
"If you have ever gazed upon your child's lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced... Demolished." In the 1948 movie "I Remember Mama," there is a sequence where the youngest child needs … Continue reading Mama
Terror
Fear. It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. An intense uneasiness. An acute sense of dread. Like, when you turn around in a store and your toddler has disappeared momentarily into the depths of a clothes rack. Or, when Josef came into the house that October day to tell me … Continue reading Terror
