I quietly went to our bedroom, closing the door behind me. And by the bedside, I prayed and calmly lay my son on the altar. I did not like doing it. I cannot say my heart was in it... Click here to read the whole thing. Save
"Fear. It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. An intense uneasiness. An acute sense of dread..." Click here to read the rest... Image source.
"...Because they are just butterflies, they do not know they have come into the house to die." Click here to read the entire post.
Original post published October 10, 2016 It is over seven months now since Hans left us for Heaven, yet I still get these illogical, unrealistic, untrue thoughts/longings/compulsions to find him. For instance: It’s such a beautiful breezy day; it’s hot and the birds are singing. I stand in the yard looking around and I think: … Continue reading Revised Post: Compelled
"This heavy sorrow is what I feel. It is not a reflection of what I, as a Christian, believe. I know where our son is and I believe what God has told me about our eternal home. Why then do I sorrow? It is because each crashing wave of grief is my flesh crying out … Continue reading Revised Post: The Facts
Click here to read the entire post. "It’s not just Hans I miss. It is all of them together as happy children on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes I so want to turn back the clock to one of those precious days. Or to turn it forward to when we will all be together again. But … Continue reading Revised Post: Four
Anger. We have all experienced it. For some it is a burning, churning, table-pounding rage. For others, it is more of a low-grade infection that burrows deep into the heart. It simmers on the back burner of the mind giving off an unpleasant aroma, occasionally boiling over and making an unsightly mess. For a variety … Continue reading Angry At God
One of the things bereaved parents would like you to know is this: Even though they may seem pretty together and functional; even though they smile, though perhaps not very brightly and not for very long; and even though it seems like they are moving on with life, there are many, many things going on … Continue reading Things Are Not What They Seem
It would easy to spend all my time preoccupied with the past. The way it was. Looking at – no examining - old photographs. Studying, not just the image of our son, but the background, too. Everyday scenery that has not changed but is so totally different now. Trying to find the what-ifs casually arranged … Continue reading Looking Forward
Walking through Sears department store the other day, I passed by the boys' and then the men's department while calmly experiencing all the expected memories: the packages of socks, the work pants, the plaid shirts, the dress shirts. My mind drifted back to the time, years ago, when Hans and his dad spent several hours … Continue reading Blind-sided at Sears
"If you have ever gazed upon your child's lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced... Demolished." In the 1948 movie "I Remember Mama," there is a sequence where the youngest child needs … Continue reading Mama