"...Because they are just butterflies, they do not know they have come into the house to die." Click here to read the entire post.
emotions
Revised Post: Compelled
Original post published October 10, 2016 It is over seven months now since Hans left us for Heaven, yet I still get these illogical, unrealistic, untrue thoughts/longings/compulsions to find him. For instance: It’s such a beautiful breezy day; it’s hot and the birds are singing. I stand in the yard looking around and I think: … Continue reading Revised Post: Compelled
Revised Post: The Facts
"This heavy sorrow is what I feel. It is not a reflection of what I, as a Christian, believe. I know where our son is and I believe what God has told me about our eternal home. Why then do I sorrow? It is because each crashing wave of grief is my flesh crying out … Continue reading Revised Post: The Facts
Revised Post: Four
Click here to read the entire post. "It’s not just Hans I miss. It is all of them together as happy children on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes I so want to turn back the clock to one of those precious days. Or to turn it forward to when we will all be together again. But … Continue reading Revised Post: Four
Grief Quote #8
youcantrusthim.com/2016/09/27/trainwreck
Angry At God
Anger. We have all experienced it. For some it is a burning, churning, table-pounding rage. For others, it is more of a low-grade infection that burrows deep into the heart. It simmers on the back burner of the mind giving off an unpleasant aroma, occasionally boiling over and making an unsightly mess. For a variety … Continue reading Angry At God
Things Are Not What They Seem
One of the things bereaved parents would like you to know is this: Even though they may seem pretty together and functional; even though they smile, though perhaps not very brightly and not for very long; and even though it seems like they are moving on with life, there are many, many things going on … Continue reading Things Are Not What They Seem
Grief Quote #2
Grief Quote #1
Looking Forward
It would easy to spend all my time preoccupied with the past. The way it was. Looking at – no examining - old photographs. Studying, not just the image of our son, but the background, too. Everyday scenery that has not changed but is so totally different now. Trying to find the what-ifs casually arranged … Continue reading Looking Forward
Blind-sided at Sears
Walking through Sear's department store, I passed the boys' and then the men's department and calmly experienced all the expected memories: the packages of socks, the work pants, the plaid shirts, the dress shirts. I continued on through the tool department where we bought so many Christmas presents for the men in our family: the … Continue reading Blind-sided at Sears
Mama
"If you have ever gazed upon your child's lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced... Demolished." In the 1948 movie "I Remember Mama," there is a sequence where the youngest child needs … Continue reading Mama
Cleaning House
NOTE: The following was written some time ago on a rather difficult day. I needed to get this out of my heart and onto paper. I wasn't going to publish it. But maybe it will help someone. It's pretty raw, but here it is... Why I Do Not Want to Move On. Why I Do … Continue reading Cleaning House
Thoughts on Psalm 84
PSALM 84 To the chief Musician upon Gittith, A Psalm for the sons of Korah. 1 How amiable are thy tabernacles, O LORD of hosts! Hans was happy at home. He loved this place, our little log house - our little tabernacle in the woods; the land, the creek, the surrounding fields and forests. And … Continue reading Thoughts on Psalm 84
Terror
Fear. It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. An intense uneasiness. An acute sense of dread. Like, when you turn around in a store and your toddler has disappeared momentarily into the depths of a clothes rack. Or, when Josef came into the house that October day to tell me … Continue reading Terror
