Accident or Appointment?

…this thing is from me.

1 Kings 12:24

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Did God Take Our Son, or Was it an Accident?

We say things like this all the time:

• Hans was killed in a car crash, an MVA, a Motor Vehicle Accident.

• She broke her leg skiing.  What an unfortunate accident.

• I dropped the pie on the floor.  It was a clumsy accident.

Oops.

Or how about these:

• A sparrow falls to the ground.   The Creator of the Universe sees it but the Mama sparrow says, it was just a terrible accident.

• A man of God is shipwrecked with a bunch of convicts and gets bit by a snake.  This man experienced a series of accidents.

• The King of Kings rides into Jerusalem to shouts of “Hosanna” and ends up crucified between two thieves.  He must not have planned well.  What a tragic accident.

Or this:

A young man is driving down his driveway toward a rural highway.  His speed is between five and ten miles per hour.  At the same time, a pickup truck is traveling this same highway toward the very spot where the young man is about to emerge from the driveway.  The pickup is going between fifty five and sixty five miles per hour.  It is dark and the roads are icy.  They are on a collision course, but before the pickup can plow into the driver’s door of the young man’s car there are many things that must happen first.  If anything should delay or speed up any one of those things, the two vehicles will not meet.

This would include things like: If either driver accelerates, even minutely, or eases his foot off the gas slightly; sneezes; puts fuel in the tank and enters the wrong PIN at the pump and has to re-enter it; or stops by the side of the road to use the facilities, etc. – if any task or communication takes slightly more or less time at any moment of that entire day, the vehicles will not meet at the end of the driveway.

I think it is safe to say, that the number of factors that need to be lined up perfectly in order for these two vehicles to meet, is incalculable, maybe infinite.  I wish some mathematician would figure out the “chances” of something like this happening.

Consider this: according to Henry Morris (The Defender’s Study Bible, World Wide Publishers ©1995):

“The probability that eleven men (Joseph’s brothers in Genesis Chapter 43) could be ‘accidentally’ arranged in order of age is only one chance out of 39,917,000…there are almost forty million ways in which eleven men could be seated.”

I am positive there are far more than eleven variables that come into play when trying to figure out the chances of that pickup hitting Hans’ car that night and hitting it precisely where it would do the most damage.

But since the Biblical Joseph knew the ages of his brothers, seating his brothers according to their ages was not a problem for him.  The brothers, not having complete knowledge of the situation (they did not yet recognize Joseph), marvelledWhat an incredible coincidence to be seated that way by accident.

Incredible?  Yes.  Accident?  No.  Joseph had knowledge his brothers did not have yet.  He arranged the seating for his own purposes, just as God had arranged for the brothers to fake his death and sell him to a passing caravan.  They thought to do evil, but God meant it for good.  Likewise, I do not have perfect knowledge of what God is doing.  But God does, and He is arranging events for His good purposes.

I don’t like the word accident.  To me, the best use of this word is to make sure people know I did not do something on purpose:

“Sorry about your toe, I stepped on it by accident.”

“Accidents” are usually someone’s fault.  They are unintended events.  So, in that sense, the crash that ended Han’s earthly life was an accident, something unplanned and unforeseen.

But calling it a chance event, or a coincidence, or a bad break makes me uncomfortable.  Well, actually, it makes me mad.  It trivializes the whole horrible thing and seems to imply that God wasn’t paying attention or that life is a crap shoot.  That there is no purpose for what happened.  It was just an accident.

Yes, I know – maybe it happened by chance and then God used it for His purposes after the fact.  It seems to me that, while it is true that God can use any “random” event for His glory and our good, this way of thinking is akin to the idea that God created the universe but then things went terribly wrong and He has been wringing His hands trying to get something good to come out of it ever since.

I happen to be one of those folks that believe God either causes or allows everything that comes to pass.  Everything.  The sparrow, the bump on the ski hill, the shipwreck, the snake, the pie, the crash – everything.

No, God does not do evil.  God is good.  But he does direct events here on earth and allows sinful man a lot of freedom to prove his utter hopelessness apart from the Almighty.

And sometimes that gets pretty ugly.

I have seen the heartbreaking anguish as a parent questions: “Why did this happen?  Did God take my baby?   Was it ‘just an accident’?  If I had been more careful, might this accident not have happened?  What could have been done to produce a different outcome?”

Grieving, suffering mother, you could spend a lifetime replaying all the possible what-ifs and never get anywhere.  Doing so will eat you up.  But here is the good news: God has all those what-ifs, I-should-haves, why-didn’t-yous covered.  And He can override our mistakes, our stupidities and even our diligent care to bring about the purposes He has ordained.  God was in complete control the day your child died.

Many bereaved parents cannot believe that.  It is easier to see the pain of child loss as the center of our universe.  Truly, there are times that grief is the center of our universe.  While this is understandable, it can  lead to wrong thinking, and wrong thinking compounds the pain.  For example:

God did not take my child.  Satan took my child and God did not or could not stop it.  The way I see it, if God did not take Hans, then Satan won on January 11, 2016 – he successfully took out a young man with great potential for service to the Lord.

No, God did it.  And not only will He redeem this loss for our good and His glory,  but from it He can and will deliver a perfect and total victory in ways that we cannot begin to imagine.  I could not accept such a devastating loss from any other hand than that of my Savior Who loves me.

God doesn’t kill people.   Certainly not ‘good’ people.  It was just an accident.  The fact is, God brought about the death of His very own son.  For you.

Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: (Isaiah 53:10)

If God is good, He would not have allowed my child to die.   Or, in other words, God is only good if He gives me what I want or exempts me from heartache.   This is a very self centered way of viewing God. The reality is that people die every day.  There is sin and suffering all over the world – why should I be spared?  Do I feel I deserve a better deal than countless hurting people throughout the ages?

There is a bigger picture that goes beyond my own personal pain.  Just because death brings sadness to the bereaved, does not mean God is not good.  Would God be good if everyone lived forever, if all tears were wiped away, if everything wrong were made right?   Would that meet your expectations?

Well, here is good news: God has made a provision for that in His Son, Jesus Christ:

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?  (John 11:25,26)

This world is not all there is.  There is a plan unfolding before our eyes and only God knows all the details.  And, as you know, there is a lot of stuff going on down here that is beyond horrendous.  Thank God this is not all there is.  How could we bear it?  Why would we?

So, where is God?   Why doesn’t He stop the suffering?  What kind of a God lets a baby die?  Or maybe He isn’t powerful enough to keep evil in check.  Maybe He doesn’t care about me…

Where was He when my child died? 

Dear suffering one, He was and is on His throne.  He sees it all.  No one gets away with anything.  No matter how ugly the circumstances surrounding the death of your child, He will make everything right and beautiful.  For those who belong to Him, when we see Him face to face, we will be completely satisfied and convinced of the rightness of His plan.  There will be justice.  There will be restoration.  There will be healing.

But in His time.

I know.  You want it now.  Me, too.  But this is where trust comes in.  God sees the whole picture and He knows everything about everything and everyone.  He knows what is best in all circumstances.  He knows what He is doing. He is God.

So, did God take Hans?  Was it an Accident or was it an Appointment?

Many people think it was an accident, a tragedy.  Something that shouldn’t have happened.  Honestly, I wish it hadn’t.  But it all depends on your perspective.  If this life is all there is, then it was a tragedy, an irredeemable loss.  An accident.

But, if this life is just a vapor (and it is); and if there is an all-powerful, all-knowing God of love who is preparing an eternal home for me (and He is); if, in His wisdom, He causes or allows painful things to happen in order to accomplish His wider purpose, (it really isn’t all about me, after all), then everything that happens to me can be counted a victory.  In Him, I am free from the torment of what-ifs and I can view Hans’ home-going as an Appointment with Almighty God, an event of great significance in God’s plan.

But I must do one thing:

I must believe Him.

For more on this topic:

Why Does God Allow Suffering? – Interview with Helen Roseveare (video)

Back To The Bible: Why Does God Allow Suffering?

Joni Erickson Tada gives a short presentation on: Why Does God Allow Suffering?

Free download: J. Vernon McGee: Death of a Little Child

This post contains an affiliate link.

15 thoughts on “Accident or Appointment?

  1. The three year anniversary of my sons passing is approaching next week. I also explored the what-ifs that could have prevented his accident and learned to put that aside in order to honor his life. I began hearing words that turned into poems after that. I wrote them down to share with others. One line told me that after all the tears I cried, that I must think of how he lived and not of how he died. I strive to focus on that. Reading your words helps to reassure me of the fulfillment of my sons purpose and that his light will continue to shine through me and others he touched. And this will glorify our creator who loves us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda, thank you for reaching out out to me at this time. You are about a year and a half ahead of me on this journey and it is always encouraging to hear from others on the same path. Thank you, too, for the reminder of where my focus should be. So hard for a hurting mom’s heart sometimes. I would very much like to read some of your poetry. Have you published it anywhere?

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  2. our darling 19 month old passed away on january 28th this year. there was an accident in our home. she was the most wonderful, beloved, amazing person we have ever known. this post was shared to a group that i had just become a part of and it was so calming and comforting to be reminded that even though our earthly minds struggle to see much more than an “accident”, that the Lord knew and saw everything. we know that He is in control and knows what he is doing. thank you for this piece, i come back and read it quite often to remind myself of her “appointment”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so very sorry, Dianna, for the loss of your sweet little one just a few short weeks ago. I am humbled to tears and so very thankful you took the time to share with me today. This morning I prayed that the Lord would use Hans’ life to reach just one person for good. How amazing He is and how good to allow us to encourage each other this way. I pray the Lord’s peace and comfort for you and your family as you miss your dear daughter. We will see our children again. Thank you for sharing with us your trust in our God.

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  3. Beautiful post. We can trust him, for only God is Sovereign over all things, and while there are things that will cause us pain, discomfort, ours is to look to him an yes, trust him. I too am sorry your loss, and the other responder who lost a loved one to suicide. I pray that God will be your Comforter. We may not understand the whys or how’s, but God will unfold all things for his “wider” purpose and for his glory. Kim, it’s such a blessing that you have this clarity and reliance on God. Continued blessings.

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  4. Thank you for this.. I loved reading it.. I need some encouragement and reading this and something else you’ve wrote before gave me encouragement. I need that in my life and my walk with the Lord. Please…. can email me encouraging words everyday Lol. I lost my son last April. He past a month after surgery from blood clots. Im so sorry for your loss of your son. He is blessed to have you as a mom.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Jamie for your kind words. I wasn’t sure how this post would be received, so seeing your comments first thing this morning caused me to breathe a sigh of relief. I am sorry you have also suffered this heartbreak. You have encouraged me today. Thank you.

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  5. Kim, thank you for this beautiful witness of the goodness of our God. Truly, we will understand it all in His timing. I pray His continued blessings which you might never have known except for your loss. He is the great comforter and the fullness for every void in our lives. ~ Fran

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  6. Much harder to answer when you substitute Suicide for accident. I can’t imagine that was the “appointment” that God had in mind for my kind, sensitive 23 year old son.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are right, Lynette, much harder. I am so very sorry for the terrible loss you have suffered and for the pain you are experiencing. Before publishing this post, I did consider the parents who have lost children to suicide, murder and by other, horrific means. Honestly, I was unsure then, as now, what I would say to you who have endured these types of losses. I do not have an easy answer. I only know that God is there in every moment, and that we can trust Him. That is all I cling to. I also know that you are now in a position to help and comfort others who are dealing with the suicide of a loved one. No one would volunteer for such an assignment, but you are qualified in ways that I am not. You have experience that I do not have. Until the Lord returns, while there is still evil in the world, we need people like you to help those in need. I am sorry you have to suffer. I am sorry I have to suffer. But let’s trust the God who loves us with our sweet boys. It really is our only option.

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  7. Yes, dear sister! I praise God you know and are calling upon Him in the suffering; that you are receiving the grace given us via Jesus’ sufferings. God’s LOVE for us is indescribably deep (boundless), and the more we apprehend it, the more we bless the other members of the glorious Body of Christ (as you are). Again, I have not been where you are, but, with you, I am hidden with God with Christ, and rejoicing in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when we are weak (in our old self), then we are strong (in our new true self in Christ) (2 Cor. 12:10). Your experiential knowledge of Christ is inspirational. May the Lord continue blessing you and your family.

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