The Unshakable

I don’t often re-blog, but I am often encouraged by Hannah’s posts. If you want to see courage and perseverance in real time, I encourage you to follow her on her journey. And check out her Etsy shop, Nannys Landing, where you can find cute gifts and other items like key fobs and head scarfs. Thank you, Hannah for showing us what choosing hope looks like.

Choosing Hope

Today it has been 11 years since we snuggled our little girl close and held her tiny hands as she took her last breath on this earth. Sometimes I am still so angry that I could not make her better. That’s what mamas are supposed to do; make things better. I had one big important job, and I could not do it.

Then I remember that WASN’T my job. I /wanted/ it to be my job; the job of being a mama that could fix things. Instead I was given the job of opening my hands wide of my own control. I was given the job of looking into the teary faces of three sweet, grieving siblings and teaching them to trust that God is still good, even in our hurting. I was given the job of white-knuckling a marriage that the statistics were stacked against because of the big…

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Book Excerpt: Things Are Not What They Seem

One of the things bereaved parents would like you to know is this: Even though they may seem pretty together and functional; even though they smile, though perhaps not very brightly and not for very long; and even though it seems like they are moving on with life, there are many, many things going on …

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In the Arms of My Father: Thoughts on Psalm Fifty-Five

From my book, Never Ceasing: God's Faithfulness in Grief My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. Psalm 55:4,5 This is not happening… The men from our church placed two stout spruce poles across the …

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Isaiah 26:3 thou-wilt-keep-him-in-perfect-peace-whose-mind-is-stayed-on-thee-because-he-trusteth-in-thee.

Is My Child in Heaven?

When just a small boy, God saved Hans from the penalty and power of sin, assuring him a place in Heaven based on faith in Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. So, when we say we will see Hans again, our level of assurance is quite high. But what about the parent who does not have …

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fireworks Just For Me

Just For Me

Bouncing around at the base of the hill, across the river that lay frozen between the fireworks techs and us spectators on the dock, was a light. A flashlight. A very bright flashlight. I saw the stream of light widen and play upon the hillside. Then the beam narrowed into a tightly focused square-shaped beam. …

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The Fear of Forgetting

Yes, it's normal. We are terrified of forgetting them. Afraid that if we let go of that horrible moment when our child died, that it will be like they didn't exist at all. The pain is tremendous, but early in our grief we can't seem to help wanting to stay right there in the past …

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The First Week

Here is another short excerpt from my book Never Ceasing: God’s Faithfulness in Grief It is the most trying week of my life—physically exhausting, emotionally grueling. I am thankful for everyone who comes to pay their respects and make sure we eat well. I am thankful for every single gift that is sent to us …

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The Safest Place for Him to Be

Here is another short excerpt from my book Never Ceasing: God's Faithfulness in Grief I start preparing for a trip to the hospital. I put our healthcare ministry card in my purse and also an extra set of keys to Hans’s car in case he has left for the hospital already and has his keys …

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Life’s Last Quarter Mile

Hans drives to the highway, presumably listening to the engine. He travels the last quarter mile of life’s road, planned for him by God before the foundation of the world. He drives his car down the dirt driveway where he learned to walk and to run and to ride a bike. I often wonder what …

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The Place of Departure

Over the course of that day, the day of the crash, Hans drives at least four times over the spot from which he will leave us for Heaven. It was to that very spot, at the end of our driveway, that Hans would cajole me into taking him as a little boy so he could …

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Young Man Alone

Late Saturday afternoon, the boys built a fire on the creek ice out behind our house to burn up branches from the trees they felled that day. As I washed the dishes, I watched them from my kitchen window. I saw Hans sitting alone at the edge of the darkness on a small pile of …

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Never Ceasing book cover

My Book is Finished

My book, Never Ceasing: God's Faithfulness in Grief, is now available for purchase. Buy Now I began writing in early 2016 just after Hans left us for Heaven and started publishing this blog in September of that year. Just about five years later (almost to the day) my book is now ready to share in …

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The Story of a Mother

A fairytale by Hans Christian Andersen "Young woman embracing a thorn bush"Kay Rasmus Nielsen (March 12, 1886 – June 21, 1957)Denmark A mother sat by her little child; she was very sad, for she feared it would die. It was quite pale, and its little eyes were closed, and sometimes it drew a heavy deep …

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