“If you have ever gazed upon your child’s lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced…
In the 1948 movie “I Remember Mama,” there is a sequence where the youngest child needs an operation. The mother promises the child to be there at the hospital when the little girl wakes up. Later, after the successful operation is concluded, the mother discovers there is a rule forbidding visitors in the first twenty four hours after surgery.
But Mother has promised to come; the child is calling for her in the night,
It is just heartbreaking to watch this mother as she tries to get to her child without being caught by the nurses. Finally she poses as a cleaning woman and, on her knees, scrubs her way to the ward where she finds her child calling for her. She comforts the child and slips away, promise kept.
If you have ever been separated from your child when they needed you. If you have ever heard them cry out in pain and you were powerless to relieve it. If you have ever gazed upon your child’s lifeless body and tried to will it back to life with the force of your love, then you know what it is to have your heart pierced. No, not pierced…
The instinct to protect is so very strong. This instinct does not go away when your child grows up, or moves away, or dies. When your child is abruptly torn from you, the sense of powerlessness, the utter inability to affect a rescue, is an ocean falling on top of you. It is a physical Engulfment and nothing less than holding that child and making it all better will assuage it. It is an agony when it cannot be satisfied.
I count it an honor and a great blessing to be a Mommy, though Death of a Child is the one part of motherhood I never truly thought I would experience, would rather not experience.
But, I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not. Matthew 2:18