"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear." C.S. Lewis
Category: Grief and Child Loss
Books, articles, quotes and support for those who are grieving the loss a loved one. ” . . . the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
Looking Forward
Reality demands that I accept the facts as they are. It is a matter of discipline to remember those facts, believe them, and live them with love, purpose, and praise for my Father in Heaven who loves me and in whose presence Hans now is.
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Book Review: The Glory of Heaven by John MacArthur
Anyone who has lost a loved one wants to know where that person is now. For the believer in Jesus, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord 2 Cor 5:8. But where is that? And what is it like there? And what are they doing up there right now, anyway?
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Blind-sided at Sears
Yes, the Sears store in Fairbanks, Alaska holds many memories for us.
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Cleaning House
NOTE: The following was written some time ago on a rather difficult day. I needed to get this out of my heart and onto paper. I wasn't going to publish it. But maybe it will help someone. It's pretty raw, but here it is... In this post: Why I Do Not Want to Move On. …
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One Year
Can it be a whole year since we saw our boy's face? If you have a special memory of Hans (no matter how long ago), a funny story, or a photo you would like to share, please leave it in the comments section below, or visit Hans' memorial website here. Every memory posted is a …
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Baubles & Trinkets
Our last Christmas tree with Hans was cut in mid-December 2015. Usually, the spruces stay fresh and last well into January, sometimes sprouting new growth and even shedding pollen in the house. Manfred ordinarily cuts the tree and the children haul it home on a sled. But this time last year, Manfred’s knee was giving …
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Time. The Enemy?
Death is not the enemy, for it has been conquered by the Lord Jesus Christ. He rose the third day, defeating death forever. Death cannot keep me from Hans. No, death will reunite me with him. And distance is not the real enemy, either. Hans’ body, though inanimate, is here with us at home, buried …
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Home
In My Father's House Hans spent most of his life right here at home in the house he grew up in. Of course he went places and did things. He spent his first birthday in California while we were down there visiting family. But other than that he never left the state of Alaska. He …
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Terror
Fear. It is a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. An intense uneasiness. An acute sense of dread. Like, when you turn around in a store and your toddler has disappeared momentarily into the depths of a clothes rack. Or, when Josef came into the house that October day to tell me …
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Better Than a High Five
Hans always made a point of thanking me whenever I helped him out. I believe he thanked me after almost every meal I cooked for him. Every pizza was "the best pizza ever." Often, after asking me to assist him in some way, he would say, “I hope this doesn’t cause you more work”. And …
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The Butterfly
Of the many beautiful flowers that were given for Hans’ memorial service, only one is still alive and thriving in our home, an orchid, with its one big showy cluster of purple flowers at the end of a long vine-like stem. After we brought it home from the service, wrapped in plastic to protect it …
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Well Said
Though written by me in the voice of our son Josef, who has Down syndrome, the following piece was intended as a thank-you from myself to Hans for all his help in caring for his younger brother. Each member of our family contributes to meeting Josef’s needs and I wanted to thank Hans, in writing, …
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New Friends
In these past nine months since Hans drove to the highway, I have dreamed of him only once. I had this dream shortly after he left us and it was very brief. In my dream, Sunday worship had just concluded and Hans was standing with a group of men outside on the lawn in front …
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Compelled
It is over seven months now since Hans left us for Heaven, yet I still get these illogical, unrealistic, untrue thoughts/longings/compulsions to find him. For instance: It’s such a beautiful breezy day; it’s hot and the birds are singing… He must be out in the fields or walking along the railroad tracks. If I start …
You Can Trust Him 